My mummy.
I am who I am because I see myself the way my mummy first saw me. The way we see ourselves is one of the most important things, more important than other peoples opinions of us. When you have a high standard of yourself it will carry you through all situations. You will trust yourself, be confident in your decisions, and learn to move on from your mistakes. One of the most important experiences that influences self esteem is getting impacted positively by a person you hold in high standard.
To my mummy I was a star, it didn’t matter what the competition was in school, what the pressure was in my class, or what my teachers said about me. I was her star no matter what.
If I were to describe myself in only 3 words I will say brave, confident and smart. All these are because my mummy first made me feel those things. She made me believe them when it mattered the most and I still hold onto them in my adult life.
I have so many stories to share but the one that stands out all the time is the conviction she felt so deeply that I could become a lawyer. She wasn’t sure but she did all she could and gave me the confidence to carry on. Now, I live life knowing I can be anything I want to be, because I have the conviction that I can. I see people believing in me these days just for the simple reason being… I believe in myself!
I had just finished secondary school and all my peers were going to the university, I wanted to go to the university so badly too. I passed my jamb and I qualified to write the post UME for admission into University of Nigeria Nsukka with Enugu state university as my second choice and back up plan. I got admitted to University of Nigeria, Nsukka to study Fine & Applied Arts and at the time, with the limited knowledge I had, I believed UNN was Nigeria’s best university. For the simple reason being, it was called ‘University of Nigeria’ and then my backup plan was Enugu state university to study sociology, simply because that was my state of origin and maybe because my Dad had a long lasting relationship with the then Vice Chancellor. These decisions I had made at such a young age, not only because I didn’t know better but we barely had the interest to carry out researches on this life changing decisions. We were barely informed on what mattered the most when receiving tertiary education for example, deciding the course of study you desired and picking the best institution that provided the highest level of academic excellence in that course. Instead I based my knowledge on the fact that I was from Enugu state and it will be easier to get admission into these 2 school. No other reason whatever so ever. Coupled with the fact that secondary schools don’t partner with tertiary institutions to make sure students made the best decisions considering the options at their disposal (that blame goes to the educational system of Nigeria tho) Funny enough, this one decision for your choice of university does more than the small mind of a 15/16 year old could grasp. In most countries, they let students make those decisions at 18, with enough information at their disposal.
At the time I didn’t even know what I wanted, I didn’t know who I was, I didn’t know where I wanted to be, all I knew was that I needed to leave the house because I was tired of being their little errand girl since all my siblings were in university. I was willing to study whatever as long as I was going to be in university. I was going to experience a new found freedom, without the bounds of a school gate, school uniforms or boardinghouse wears and annoying house mistresses that had my mummy’s phone number on speed dial. I had a serious desire to explore what it meant to go out at anytime and come back when ever I liked.
Then I got admission into the university of my limited dreams and my mummy said No. she crushed whatever hope I had. My mummy and I really stopped seeing eye to eye from this moment, our relationship became difficult for me, why wouldn’t she want me to go to University of Nigeria? I thought, and came to the conclusion that she just didn’t want me out of the house, she wanted me to keep being her little errand girl. I hated her for this. Meanwhile, all she wanted was for me to be a lawyer and she’ll go any length to achieve her dream for me.
One day, after watching one of our tv shows we quite enjoyed together she asked me if I’ll do A’levels, she said if I passed the exams I’ll get admission to any university of my choice and I could consider traveling abroad for my undergraduate study. That interested me, I was half way sold and I said keep talking…then she said, the school was in Ibadan all I had to do was get into this school but I would take an entrance examination first, she said I’ll like the school because it was in a university environment, I’ll mix with university people and I should go get ready for it. The exam was in 3 days, but she said something that stuck with me then and till this day does. She said knowing you I know it will not be hard, just go and read. At this point I was already sold. I would be in the university environment and live like I was a university student.
3 days later, we were in the university of Ibadan with me all excited and then we got into a secondary school where everybody, including the A’levels student wore uniforms and my spirit sank. My mummy didn’t give up, she kept reassuring me with traveling abroad and all you need to do Is your best to get into the school. Anyway, I wrote the entrance examination and I will never forget the smile on my mummy’s face when she came to tell me I got 86% and that meant I got into the school. She made me feel like a star, and I could have anything I wanted… for just that day. With my mum, excitement in your abilities never lasted more than 24 hours.
We drove back to Lagos, with me being all excited and giddy. Even in traffic I could see the pride on my mummy’s face when I opened the corner of my eyes while sleeping to check if we were already home. It was almost like when I had graduated as the best literature student in secondary school but this one was even better because I had not succeeded in annoying her in the process like that experience. This time she was proud of me, she made me believe in my abilities and I believed deep within that I was smart enough to be who she wanted me to be. All I needed to do was listen to her directions. It was a wholesome and proud moment. This was one of the multiple situations that I knew I could believe in myself because my mummy did.
In the cause of the same situation, they sent my bill for A’level school fees and my Dads reply was why doesn’t she go to university like everybody else but for some reason my mummy believed I wasn’t everybody else and her reply to him was if you don’t want to pay the fees that’s fine, I will pay it. That was the utmost faith anyone had ever shown in me at that time in my life. My school fees at this school was 500x what I had ever paid in any school all my life and I was also paying extra for being in an executive hostel. My mum wanted the best for me.
Everybody in the school had stayed at least a year or more and had divided their exams into 2 phases just to make it easier on their ability. I had spent 9 months in this school and I was combining the 2 phases of exams together. I was scared and anxious when the time for the exams was approaching, but everytime I called my mummy she gave me an immeasurable confidence by reminding me all the times I had been scared of exams in the past and came out on top. That’s how I wrote every paper in that exam, knowing that I was what my mummy said I was.
I had a classmate then that made me feel so small and every time I topped the class during a test or assignment, he never failed to point out the reason I got credit for those tests was because I was the teachers favorite and nothing more. He tried to shrink my self esteem and make me feel small but I always kept it in mind that I was who my mummy said I was. We wrote the final exams and thank God the scripts were not graded by our own teachers because I wonder what the perspective of this particular classmate of mine would have been. But then the results came out and he called me himself to congratulate me and he also said he underestimated me. That’s one victory I still taste in my mouth till today and that is because I wrote that exam believing I was who my mummy believed I was. To cut the long story short, I topped my class and went on to study law in the actual best university in Nigeria, not the one I thought was the best.
Anytime I think back to situations that guided the cause of my life to being who I am right now, which I am completely, utterly and totally proud of, I can’t go through those emotions without thinking about the contributions and influence my mummy played in my life. It makes it so easy to forgive her for situations that broke me because I know even when the outcome was negative she wanted the best for me. I have completely let whatever hurt she caused me in the process to go because only then can a new person be birthed.
This Christmas break was the first time I stayed more than 2 days in the same space with my mummy without thinking of how much I want to stay away from her. For the first time I forgave her for the hurt, loved her for the greatness and enjoyed her as a person with flaws. It was a beautiful experience and I am thankful for the realization and the opportunity life has given me to build the best type of relationship with my mummy.
Now imagine believing I am who God says I am, I wonder how unstoppable I will be. I want that. I have never been excited about my journey as much as I am right now.
